Gone But Not Forgotten

I have had numerous things grab my time away from this little journal of mine, but I'm back for now :) Little Miss Sunshine herself was the winner of the drawing (Bing!!!). This is great for her, she is in a new blossoming relationship and I hope this truly helps.

Couple of new things on the horizon, I am working on two websites so that has my attention for the glimmer of moments where the free time wind blows my way. I also am getting ready to teach an art class at Princess' co-op starting Thursday. This week we will be learning about primary colors and color mixing. I have found some really great art projects and am looking forward to it. I also will be the co-teacher in the poetry class for younger kids (Princess will be in that class AND my art class AND the class her daddy is going to teach). Luckily Mocha will be off on Thursday, so he can watch Tadpole while I help in the poetry class, but he is going to come help me in my art class. I am contemplating whether or not Tads should be in the class with me or shuffle off to the nursery. I would love for him to participate and get those curious little fingers in some paint, but he does love to be the center of attention, and I feel that if he was in there he would use it as a prime opportunity to distract everyone...cute and hilarious though he is, their parents are paying for these classes so kiddos need to get the most out of it. Speaking of the little booger, here is a great little picture of my small creature with a fresh buzz cut.

We are still trying to figure out what to do about California. Mocha's oldest graduates this may and the family wants to go out there. I would love to go and take my kiddos with me, but he wanted to go on a cruise afterwards, that I don't think I can do. Not this year. The thought of leaving my little man with his crappy father for a week makes me sweat bullets. I would love to take Princess...just because she has never seen the ocean...it's defiantly time for her to travel. So, praying hard we can figure out a good compromise before time escapes us.

Love Is Not Selfish

Day3

Whatever you put your time, energy, money into will become more important to you. It is hard to care for something you're not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"

Ah selfishness. Such an odd, complex thing. Funny that this was yesterday's topic and I spent the evening yelling into the phone at the very person I feel encompasses selfishness, my ex husband. Who was kind enough to send me an e-mail stating he will be relocating soon (to live with his next victim...er...wife) and that presents new "challenges" for tadpole. No challenge here! Just pay me my child support and adios amigo! Okay...sorry, mild vent. Yesterday was a challenge in itself. Okay, first, the dare-to get him a gift. Well, I was lucky to even work up enough bravery to get in my vehicle after spending 45minutes hacking inches thick of ice off my windshield, what could I possibly give him? I waited at the airport for him for an hour, no sign. They had been rerouted to Springfield so I was on standby for another hour. Okay, he wasn't being the most gracious man on the phone, he was tired, hungry, just wanted to be home. And I wasn't much better. But, selfishness...a gift kept playing over in the back of my mind. I know! I'll just give myself as a gift! I will push aside those frustrated feelings and be happy and joyful when he arrives. Listen to all the stories he has to tell, (even though I will be incredibly jealous that he got to go to universal studios while I changed an ungodly amount of diapers in 4 days) with grace and excitement. Phshaw! Easier said than done! But I did it...it was my "gift" (for now) after all. I took him to lunch where I sat and listened to him tell me the story of one of the motivational speakers who completed the Eco challenge (Mocha use to do bike races so this has reved up his motivation to begin again...guess who's gonna tag along :) and he got teary eyed retelling the story, which of course made me teary eyed. It was a beautiful moment, a gift to me that I cherish. We went to a movie and then the evening was ruined by my goofball ex husband. I'm going to listen extra close to him this week and make up for the actual gift, I'll let you know what it will be. In the theme of gifts and being unselfish, leave a comment on this post and I will have a drawing on Wednesday and send the blessed person with a copy of the love dare as well as a journal! Remember, this book was written for both husbands AND wives (boyfriends or girlfriends) so not just my girls can enter! If your name is drawn and you already have a copy of this book, you'll recieve a different book and journal. Good luck!

Live From Orlando!

MY Iron Chef :)

Skippity Doo Daa

I didn't even open the page for today. I woke up cranky and annoyed...everything OTHER than kind and patient. So, I knew those two were a struggle enough for me today. My kids were in fine form this morning still...remember, that's 3 days in a row without so much as stepping a toe outside because of the weather. Yes, we were all driving each other crazy nuts. Blessedly Boaty came and got them both this afternoon, took the boy home and the girl to her daddy. Aaaahhh. Silence is...forget golden...platinum! Okay, I'm going back to watch something on tv other than a cartoon and continue to knit and not worry about little fingers coming to try to destroy it to bide for attention. Enjoy these photos. Princess won't stay still long enough for me to take her picture, but I did capture her making a snow angel. And yes, that is my son talking on a banana. At least his snack doubles as a toy. My baby flies home tomorrow (FINALLY!) so I'll be on day three then!

Love Is Kind

Day 2
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse all day, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Defiantly challenging (ha...get it?) doing this challenge when my honey is away. But leave it to insecure Utopia to figure out a way! So today's challenge was a combination of yesterday and just added an extra one today. "Make an unexpected nice gesture". Hum...hard to do when I'm in the land of Arkansas and he's off in Orlando. Then I started thinking of all the things I WANTED to tell him, come home, I'm miserable without you, why did you have to leave me, this is the longest week of my life, hope you're having fun in the sun while I'm stuck at home in a blizzard, blah blah blah. Bitter much? Why yes, yes I am. And the sad thing is, he didn't even WANT to go when they presented it to him. It was dim witted me who went on and on about how talented he is, how he worked so hard he deserves it. Which is true, and is no less true now than it was several months ago when he first told me. So, one kind gesture. Deep breath, picking up my phone, texting since I didn't want to interrupt him if he's in a meeting, (his cell phone ring for when I call is "She's my cherry pie" so, probably not terribly professional). The text said something in the way of how proud I am of him, that I hope he enjoys the beautiful weather down there, and that he truly has a good time today and that I love him and will be thinking of him all day. Wow...that actually felt pretty good! It felt good to send him that positive energy vs. dolling out my humdrum, wasteful poor me's.....grant it, that would have been WAY easier, but not nearly as rewarding. Today's was filled with absolute gems including 4 breakdowns of the incredibly vague word "kind": gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative....all of which I struggle with at one time or another. What about you?

Love Is Patient

Day One
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.




Today was a toughie. It was the first day of my love dare...but I'll get to that in a minute. First I have to rave about the yummy new restaurant we discovered last night. Just a tiny little hole in the wall right down the road. It's called the Bayou and piged out hardcore! I have sworn off fried foods a long time ago..but I splurged because of sadness :( I had a huge plate of fried goodness...catfish, shrimp, and crawfish. YUMMO! Mocha had a full rack of ribs...again...YUM!! Okay, so on to today. I didn't think I would really have much to talk about on my first dare...oh buddy was I wrong! We left at 4 this morning for the airport...I cried like a little girl, I know...yuck, gag...couldn't help it...I was sad. Then they couldn't find his ticket (yippie!) so I got to go pick him back up, then take him back, then they almost decided not to fly him until 5:00 in the afternoon. Okay...patience? Really? TODAY??? He was precious as always...but that didn't negate the fact that he was stressed, I was stressed and words could have gone a flyin'. My dare was...if I couldn't think of anything nice to keep my mouth shut. Even with him all the way in Orlando, beautiful, sunny Orlando while I'm here listening to the ice blow and hit my roof waiting for the electricity to flicker into oblivion, my lip is bleeding from biting it so hard because...that's right...I'm jealous. But I did it!! This is going to be harder than I thought. I'm not sure how much interaction I'll have with him tomorrow, I may need to keep working on this patience thing one more day before we move to day two...we shall see.

I Dare Me

Since today is the official day of my new "single" life, I want to start it as right as I possibly can. Yes, I'm aware I'm living in sin, living with a man that isn't my husband. I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. I actually liked my little home that was mine all mine. But when I quit my job and couldn't find one fast enough, my beloved brought the proposal of being a stay at home mom again and it's something I just couldn't pass up. You see, I am very much in love with this man. Very much. He treats me like a queen. He challenges me on just about everything EVERY single day. He has a brilliant mind that perplexes and excites me. He is a mans man which I am not use to. We watch football together, yell at the screen together. We watch ufc and both cringe when there's a total ko. We sit next to each other after a long day, he watches tv to decompress, I knit to decompress, and I get wrapped up in how content and happy he makes me. I love watching him be a daddy to his kids and mine. He treats my children just like his own, (something Tony never did. There was an obvious difference in the way he treated Princess vs. the way he treated Tadpole and it always bothered me). When I'm reading he always wants to hear about my book. He CARES about me and what I do!!! It's magical :) So, no, we can't be married right now because he is still fighting for custody of his children, but we know our road is in that direction and that will be our destination. The girls already refer to each other as sisters and informed us that they want to be the flower girls in our wedding. He and I have both built our lives around a person, only to have that person toss us to the side, lie to us, manipulate us, tip the top and watch our worlds crash down around us. We know that hurt...our hearts mirror each others in that area. So we both want this to last. We never want to go down that painful path again. We want our children to see a solid, stable, loving relationship/marriage. We want to look at each other 20 years from now and see the same sparkle in each other's eyes we see now, knowing we put it there. So, with all that being said, I am going to begin the Love Dare. It's a 40 day journey that I really look forward to and hope you will begin with me. I read through day one, but will blog about it tomorrow so I can have a full day. My dare will be a little different for the first few days because (boo!) he is leaving for Florida early in the morning. But, I'm anxious to begin! Stay tuned!